i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
