How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
