Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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