1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
