i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
