found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
