lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
