I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
