So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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