I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
