The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
