he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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