discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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