You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
