im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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