i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
