So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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