Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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