fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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