my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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