I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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