i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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