i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The air was thick with penises
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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