so explain again why im purple
no
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
