Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I had your ass I would rule the world
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
