Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
