He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
