i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
