There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
