"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
