Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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