What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
