If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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