just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
