I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
