You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
