dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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