I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
try to milk me bitch
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
