New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
