is your mom at the bar?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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