New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
