I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I came so hard my ears popped.
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