but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
