New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
