I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
