whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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