those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
