she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
