dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
