Define "chronic" masturbator.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
