another moral hangover. fuck.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Found the puke drawer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
