I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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