thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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