They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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