Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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