i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
