Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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