Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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