Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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